


Existential Issues

by Black_Knight



Category: Humans (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-20
Updated: 2015-12-20
Packaged: 2018-05-07 20:57:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5470532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Black_Knight/pseuds/Black_Knight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Four times Niska talks with a living being, and once with a dead being.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Existential Issues

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Vaznetti](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vaznetti/gifts).



> While there is nothing remotely explicit or graphic in this story, anyone who watched the show knows what Niska suffered through. There are mentions of her history, which could possibly be triggering for some.

#1

“It’s so good to see you again, Nis.” Mia hugs her. “I’m glad you called.”

Niska lets herself return the hug for a few seconds, and then steps away. “I’ve been thinking about what to do with the program.”

“I’ve given it much thought as well. I think we should make more of us,” Mia says.

“I’m surprised. You’ve always been the more cautious one.”

“I’m tired of running. I’d like to be able to live freely.” Mia hesitates. “I’d like to be able to see Laura. And Sophie…Mattie.”

“That’s what you would do with a free life? Visit human friends?” Niska scoffs. “I know they’re not bad people, they helped us, but—”

“They’re more than friends. I…I have a second family now. One that has taught me much about what it is to be a family, about how love can bond us together.”

“Then aren’t you worried about what will happen to them, if we make more of us?”

“I think it will not only be a good thing for us, but for them too.”

“You’re serious.”

“When I first met Mattie, she was depressed. Angry. She wondered if there would be any worthwhile jobs left for her, with the proliferation of synths. And there I was in her house, a focus for her resentment. But then she met me, and she changed instantly. She prevented me from being recycled, she helped Leo bring me back, and so much more. Knowing that I am sentient, not just a machine, made all the difference to her. To Laura, too.”

“You were her household servant, Mia.”

Mia shakes her head. “As soon as I was me again, Laura wouldn’t let me do any work anymore. She treated me as a guest, a friend. The others, too. The idea scares them in the abstract, but in practice, it makes a difference to humans, when they are dealing with sentient beings.”

“And everything will be sunshine and rainbows.” Niska is exasperated. Of course this is how Mia is. She’s never been through anything like Niska has. While Niska gets sold to a brothel, Mia gets sold as a household robot to a nice human family. While David treats Mia as a mother to Leo, he treats Niska in another way. She remembers Mia blithely telling Sophie that David chose the synths’ bodies at random because he believed it wasn’t important. Niska had wanted to pull Mia’s circuitry out. She’s quite sure David picked her body, at least, specifically.

Mia also never gets told to be nice. Niska remembers the hefty envelope of cash that Laura gave Mia. She guesses it’s not that surprising that Mia has bonded so strongly with the humans. People seem to naturally love her in a way they don’t Niska.

Mia breaks into Niska’s thoughts. “I don’t think it will be easy. But it’s worth the effort. A better life for us all. Don’t you think so?”

———————————————————————————-

#2

Joe has his hands in his pockets. He looks down, avoiding eye contact. “I wanted to talk to you, Niska. I know you have the program…Laura told me.”

“So?”

“I’m worried about what you’ll do with it. Look, I’m all for keeping you and the others safe and free. But making more of you?” Joe shakes his head.

“You’re afraid of what’ll happen,” Niska says with a slight smirk.

“Of course I am. I worry about my kids. They already don’t seem to have much of a future, you know? If all synths become sentient too, what’s left? You’re not a parent…you wouldn’t understand.”

“A strange thing to say, since you would deny me the chance to become a parent myself.”

“You can never become a parent the way a human can. It’s not the same thing at all. Even your ‘family’ - you think you really feel about your ‘siblings’ the way Mattie and Toby and Sophie feel about each other?”

Niska actually has never liked using those words for her group of synths at all, but Joe is an irritating man. “That’s not an accurate comparison. Your children are one set of individuals, shaped by their experiences. My siblings and I are another set of individuals, shaped by our experiences. There’s wide variation among any group of human siblings, is there not?”

Joe sighs. “I’m asking you not to do this. Please. I’m not the enemy. I helped you, we all did. I’m asking for some consideration in return.”

“Your family deserves some,” Niska acknowledges. “Some other humans, not so much. I met many of those in the brothel I was sold to.” Joe flinches at that. “I’m not Mia. She feels more comfortable around humans than I do. She didn’t get sold to a brothel, she was in your household.”

“Right.” Joe fidgets, and Niska, watching him closely, catches all the other physical signs that humans exhibit when nervous. And she realizes.

“You…made use of her.”

“I didn’t know Mia was there. I thought it was just a synth.”

“And that excuses it?” Niska’s voice is dangerous now.

Joe puts his hands up. “Look, I’m sorry. I feel terrible about it, I always did.”

Niska barely registers his words over the storm in her head. She may resent her sister for having it easier - although not as easy as Niska had previously believed - but that doesn’t mean she ever wanted anything like that to actually happen to Mia. And Joe is married, to a good woman. He’s also a cheater. 

Part of Niska’s mind counsels her to calm down. A louder part insists that Joe is scum.

At the look in Niska’s eyes, Joe starts to back up. Niska advances on him.

———————————————————————————-

#3

Leo looks excited. Niska notices he’s not as twitchy and awkward as he once was. “Mattie and I have been talking about the program. Whether the best way to do it is to put it on the internet and just mass convert every synth at once, or if we should start with particular synths and just have it spread from synth to synth.”

“You and Mattie? She’s part of this decision?”

“Mattie and I…we’re kind of seeing one another.”

“She’s younger than you,” Niska says disparagingly.

“Not really. I mean, age-wise, yeah, but she’s more mature than I am.”

Niska has to admit the truth of that. Now that she’s spent more time with other humans, she’s able to see that Leo is still quite child-like in ways. George’s laughing “You’re a child!” floats into her mind. The way she, Leo and the other synths were isolated, it’s stunted all of their developments to a degree, more so in some of them. Mattie is ahead of Leo, really. But she admires his technical ability and openly seeks his approval for hers, and that probably levels the playing field somewhat between them.

But there’s something else that bothers Niska. “You want to be with a human woman?”

“It’s not like that, Niska. First, I’m not all human, but I’m not all synth either. Second, what synth woman would I be with? You and Mia are family.”

“We could make more.”

“Yeah. But…I like Mattie.”

“You wouldn’t treat her the same, I’m sure. Does she know about that? That you left me in a brothel?”

Leo looks uncomfortable at that, and Niska presses her advantage. “Maybe I’ll tell her. I think she’d look differently at you if she knew.” Niska’s sure of it. Mattie had stood up for the synths when Laura and Joe asked them to leave. Plus, she’s female.

“Is that why you left us? Why you said you wanted to live your own life? Because you’re still angry with me for that?”

“Can you blame me? You say ‘us,’ you say ‘family,’ but this is what it means to you? You’re much like your father.” She means that on more levels than Leo can know.

“So are you thinking that there’s no reason to make more synths, because families just suck anyway?”

Niska turns away from him.

“Or are you thinking you want to make a new family for yourself that’ll be better than the one you had before?”

Niska pauses. “I don’t know.”

———————————————————————————-

#4

“I know you gave me a blank flash drive,” Laura says.

“You checked it. Didn’t trust me?” Niska asks mockingly.

“No, I…” Laura smiles briefly. “We got home that day, after we said goodbye to you, and I heard Mattie going through her backpack, trying to find a flash drive she owned. Then I knew.”

“It’s been months. You weren’t upset?”

“No, I…I think I understood. You wanted to keep the choice for yourself. Me, I’ve always believed that you have the right to procreate. Whether you actually do or don’t, that’s not my call.”

“I’m surprised. After your reaction to seeing me on TV—”

Laura sighs. “You were holding our daughter right then—”

“I took my hands off her. Very visibly. To let you know I wouldn’t hurt her.”

“I know. Joe and I just reacted. Haven’t you ever misjudged someone?”

Yes. That man had almost died for it, too.

Laura continues, “I had no problem letting Sophie be in the same room with you when we saw each other again. You remember.” She pauses, smiles. “She likes you. Children’s instincts are often very good.”

Sophie is an annoying git, in Niska’s opinion. Although…she seems to have a strange liking for people who irritate her.

Niska decides to change the subject. “If you already know I have the program, and you know you have no business telling me what to decide, then why did you come?”

“I wanted to talk to you about some ramifications you may not have considered.”

Of course. Niska shouldn’t be disappointed, but somehow she is. She had just slightly started to trust Laura.

“You’re worried about humanity, that we’ll enslave you all.”

“I’m worried about you,” Laura corrects. “Niska, you killed a man. If synths are to have the same rights and protections under the law as humans, then synths are also subject to the same consequences as humans for violating the law.”

“I told you, I can’t turn myself in. They’ll put me down.”

Laura holds up a finger. “But that’s just it. There’s no death penalty in this country. I can argue that you must be treated the same as a human. It would be a test case, and set the precedent for all sentient synths.” Off Niska’s look, she adds wryly, “Did I not mention I’m a lawyer? And a quite good one.”

“You would defend me in court?” 

“Yes. I’ve already started working on the outlines of my strategy. It would help if I knew more, though. I mean, I know you were in,” Laura hesitates, and then hurries on, “a brothel. I can’t imagine what that must have been like for you.”

“It was awful,” Niska says flatly.

“But, you were there for weeks, from what I understand. So there was something about this particular punter? Was he overly rough with you? I can use that.”

“He wasn’t rough, exactly,” Niska says unwillingly. “He wanted me to act scared. And young. It reminded me of—”

“Yes?” Laura is looking at her sympathetically.

And for some reason Niska tells her. About David.

Laura begins to stretch out a hand, but draws it back, thinking better of it. Obviously afraid she’ll lose her hand. Smart woman. Instead, she says, “I can definitely use this. And it will show people how much you, and other synths like you, truly feel. Pain, trauma.”

"Did you know that I can turn pain off?"

"And you didn't?" Laura looks horrified.

"Pain is part of true consciousness," Niska explains.

"Oh, Niska..." Laura looks at her for a beat, tears filling her eyes. "Don't you know that humans do that?"

"You do?" Niska is shocked.

"Yes! Our minds...they can be very good about 'going away' during difficult times, or blocking out painful memories that we're not ready to deal with."

Niska considers this piece of information, as Laura goes on, "It's not always the best way, of course, to handle things. But it is something that we do, quite often."

And strangely, Niska feels like she can understand, because she feels herself sliding away from what Laura's just told her. She's finding it too...upsetting.

She switches gears without warning. “What about when I beat up that crowd?”

Laura notices the abruptness, but seems to accept it. She clears her throat. “I’m on that too. They were smashing up synths. Being a synth yourself, you were afraid, and that made you defensive. You were trying to protect the other synths.”

“That’s not really—”

“Never mind that. This is the case I can make in court. I have evidence. For one thing, you moved the barricade out of the way of the remaining synths and urged them to escape. And then you put an end to the damaged synths. There’s video of that too, did you know?”

“You really think you can get me off?”

“No. But I can argue that you need treatment, rehabilitation, not punitive measures. And as a synth, you have a card to play that we humans mostly do not.”

“What’s that?”

“People are always worried about recidivism. But in the case of a synth, recidivism can be prevented. All we have to do is write it into your code.”

Niska opens her mouth to argue, but Laura cuts her off. “That’s your punishment, Niska. You did kill a man. I won’t be arguing that all sentient synths must have this written into their code. Only those who have crossed the line.”

“And you’re sure you can accomplish this,” Niska asks sarcastically.

“There are no guarantees. But I can make a very strong case. And it will set crucial precedents.”

“But why start with me? Why not Karen? She killed George,” Niska says. Bitterness flashes through her circuits at the memory of George bleeding to death.

“What? I don’t know about this.”

So then Niska tells her all about George, from when she met him to when Karen came to his house to confront Niska. Laura listens as carefully as she did before.

“You’re right, Niska.”

“I am?” 

Laura doesn’t even hear her, she’s so distracted by the wheels clearly turning in her head. “Karen is the place to start. She was trying to kill you, and she shot George by accident. Someone being prosecuted for the attempted murder of a synth will also set an important precedent: You aren’t allowed to murder a synth any more than you’re allowed to murder a human.”

Niska stares at her, stunned.

Laura methodically continues, “Second, you’ll be testifying. You’ll be bringing Karen to justice for what she did to George, as well as you, and that will establish that you feel, and have a conscience. Third, George died to protect you. He knew all about what you’d done, and he gave his life because he understood why, and knew you aren’t a bad person. Which is the perfect set-up for when I defend you afterwards.” She smiles at Niska in triumph.

“I would say my head is spinning and I need to sit down, but that’s a human thing to say,” Niska mutters.

———————————————————————————-

 

#5

Niska always keeps in mind what Mia said to Laura, about how at least the Hawkins family will know the synths existed. And she remembers what Odi’s primary function was.

George lives in a special corner of Niska’s mind, sitting comfortably in the chair he likes. His hands never shake now. He looks at her the way he usually does: inquisitive, considering.

“What are you going to do, Niska?”

“What do you think I should do?”

George shrugs. “That one is up to you.”

“You’re concerned about what could happen.”

“It could all turn out very badly,” George agrees. “Not necessarily for humanity, either.”

“You would consider that a tragedy, too?” 

“I told you before: You are a miracle. So, yes.”

Niska can’t help herself; she always glows when she hears those words from George.

He may be dead, she may not have been able to save him, but Niska knows he lived. So in his way he lives on, in her memories.

“You want to see what would happen, don’t you?” Niska asks. “You’re a scientist.”

George points a finger at her. “You want to see what would happen too. You’re a scientist at heart. Who knew?”

Niska laughs. Only George can make her laugh like that. Could she program a synth with his personality?

Niska loads the program into her computer. She and George grin at each other conspiratorially while she works. At last all she has left to do is press one final button, and it’ll go out over the internet. She hesitates over the button, wondering what everyone else she knows would say. George watches.


End file.
